my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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