Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(862): View more from New Jersey

you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad

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(317): View more from Indiana

he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed

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(860): View more from Connecticut

My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..

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(858): View more from California

God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.

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(404): View more from Georgia

We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there

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