My Higher Power is John Stamos
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night