Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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