My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.