i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.