Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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