can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
