The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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