She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
