Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
