either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
