Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
