i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
