This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize