I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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