Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
