Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
