he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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