No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
