i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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