yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
