Kareoke will never be a sober sport
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
