We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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