I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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