Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
