I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
