can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
