i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
