this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
