Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
