Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
