Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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