He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
