You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
