i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
