Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
