I've blown a few things in my day
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
