I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
