man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
