just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
