No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
