why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
