How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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