i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
