3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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