When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
