The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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