Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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