Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
