NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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