You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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