I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
