Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
