my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
