remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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