Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
