i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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