3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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