I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
