That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
