My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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