My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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