farters have to be the big spoon...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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