My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I smell like Dick and happiness
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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