You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
