my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
