fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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