Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
