I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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