Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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