When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
