You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
