never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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