Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
